Sovereign Over Us

Because of Isaac has just fully funded our third couple: Ryan & Briana. And while the money is done, the waiting is not. They are now ... waiting. Waiting for a birthmother to pick them. Their wait could be days. It could be months. It could be longer.

I wanted to share a song with you that Briana shared with me. To any of you out there waiting -- for a job, for a marriage, for a child, for reconciliation .... I hope this song ministers to you.

UP

On Infertile ground

"Odds are you know someone suffering from infertility, and odds are, they haven't told you. Help break the silence."

I sat and watched this video on infertility and cried. C.S. John, the Producer of an independent documentary about infertility, contacted me and asked if I'd watch the video. If I liked it, would I blog about it.

I did more than that. I made a contribution and gave him my total support. You can watch the trailer for the intended movie by clicking here. I encourage you to watch the video yourself. It was incredibly moving, and I found myself instantly returned to the dark place I spent five years wading through.

I find myself unworthy of the three beautiful miracles that are now apart of my life. Despite the fact that I am no longer treading the murkiness of infertility, those of you who read my blog know that I plan to make infertility and adoption a part of my life for every breath I have remaining.

I encourage you to join or like their facebook page by clicking here.

Dumbo

I remember watching Dumbo as a kid. I cried because it was sad. Sad because Dumbo's mommy missed her son, and he couldn't be with her.

And then I watched Dumbo as a grown-up. And I cried again. I cried because it was sad. I was still sad because Dumbo's mommy missed him. But mainly I cried at another part. You know when the stork was bringing all the animals their babies? Dumbo's mommy watched as all the animals got babies. But she didn't get one. She was sad. And I was sad for her. Because I knew how it feels.

Today I am 35. Most of my friends have children in school. My cousin Sarah, who got pregnant with her son Tyler the year JB and I thought we'd start having kids, had a son in 2003. My Isaac didn't join us for another five years. I was Dumbo's Mommy. I was watching everyone else have their babies. And wondering when the stork would bring my little miracle.

But He did. Not the stork. But my heavenly Father. His timing is unbelievably perfect. I wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't change the person I am because of all that pain. I wouldn't change the compassion I have. And I definitely wouldn't change the exact children we have. I never thought I'd say I'm glad for the pain. But I am. I'm actually ... thankful. Thankful for the experience. And thankful the stork brought my babies a little later than everyone else.

Gone Too Soon

As I mentioned in a previous post, Daughtry came to Incirlik last week. Afterwards, JB sent me the lyrics to a new song by the group. It was written after the birth of Daughtry's twins, as he imagined never having gotten the chance to meet them.

I want to preface this post by telling you that this song may be too difficult to watch/read for those of you who have lost a child. JB and I were both incredibly moved by the lyrics and the meaning behind the song. Check out the lyrics below:

Gone Too Soon lyrics

today could've been the day
that you blow out your candles
make a wish as you close your eyes
today could've been the day
everybody was laughin'
instead i just sit here and cry
who would you be?
what would you look like
when you looked at me for the very first time?
today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

not a day goes by that i don't think of you
i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
such a ray of light we never knew
gone too soon, yeah

would you have been president?
or a painter, an author or sing like your mother
one thing is evident
would've given all i had
would've loved ya like no other
who would you be?
what would you look like?
would you have my smile and her eyes?
today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

not a day goes by that i don't think of you
i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
such a ray of light we never knew
gone too soon, yeah

not a day goes by, oh
i'm always asking why, oh

not a day goes by that i don't think of you
i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose
such a beautiful life we never knew
gone too soon
you were gone too soon, yeah

Being as we experienced many minutes after Elijah's birth when we thought we would never get to see him grow up, this song particularly touched us. It also touched us in thinking about the 11 embryos that we lost during our IVF journey. 

I think of my many friends who lost children. How do we possibly make sense of this sadness? So many others of you who have faced the loss of children too son.

This post is for all of you. 

This moving, grief-wracked ballad about a child never born was sparked by the birth of twins to Chris Daughtry. At one point during the writing session, the frontman had to walk out to collect himself. "The song is about realizing that today could have been the day that someone would be blowing out the candles," he said. "It just hit me pretty hard. I remember playing the demo for my brother and I turned around and he was bawling. I didn't realize that my brother's wife had suffered a miscarriage years before. It was a pretty emotional moment."

Chris Daughtry wrote the song with San Francisco songwriter Michael Busbee. You can listen to it by clicking here.

Our story on video

Here's a video featuring our story in twenty minutes. Our dear friend Linda put this together for us. It will eventually be linked from my main website: www.wendikitsteiner.com. It tells the story of our infertility and adoption journey in our own words. I hope you enjoy it. I'd love to hear what you think of it. We eventually hope to edit it more and put together a smaller version as well. Enjoy!

I would die for that -- Kellie Coffey

I originally posted this Kellie Coffey video on on my daily blog on June 28, 2007. I have never seen one item so perfectly capture my heart as this video did. If you are anything like JB and I were the first time we watched this, you probably want to make sure you have some privacy. It's quite emotional.

Held -- Natalie Grant

Unforeseen

I recently received a link to a video from Tyrone Howard. I don't know Tyrone personally. He found me through my blog, and he sent me a copy of a short film he had done that he wanted my opinion on. He also hoped I would share it with my blog readers if I found it appropriate. "Unforeseen" was actyally designed to illustrate a life of second chances. However, Tyrone found that it was gathering good support amongst individuals who lost a child before he/she was born.

After watching the video, I can see why. While I have never experienced pregnancy loss, I do believe my history with infertility allows me to be a fair judge of the appropriateness of this video. I am asking my readers, especially those with a similar history to mine, to watch this video and help provide Tyrone with some feedback. Butbe forewarned that if you have faced pregnancy loss or even infertility, it may make you quite emotional. It is incredibly well done (in my opinion) and I believe very accurately portrays this difficult part of life. Please leave a comment that I can share with Tyrone -- either positive or negative. Here is the link to the video. We need more individuals opening up dialogue on this part of life, and I think Tyrone's video is worth your time.

Julie & Julia

Great thing about seeing a cooking movie? Your husband comes home, inspired. He's making something for dinner that smells absolutely glorious. I have no idea what it is, but I know I am going to love it.

Julie & Julia was a fantastic movie. One of the best movies I have seen in recent memory. I strongly recommend it to anyone and everyone. Fairly family friendly but probably more of adult interest. It was especially fun to watch as a tall woman. Julia Child was a very tall woman in her era and it was a fun part of the movie. I could feel her attempt to meld into a life she always felt too big for.

It was also a movie which dealt with infertility. I had no idea that would be the case. I had no idea that Julia Child was childless.

The inclusion was slight. A second glance when a woman walked by pushing a stroller. A letter from a pregnant family member. Whoever wrote those scenes must have dealt with infertility. They were incredibly well done. A perfect representation of scenes that played themselves out in my own marriage, in our home, many times during our five year journey. I could feel her pain so vividly. Both JB and I could.

To my friends struggling with infertility, my personal opinion is that while the scenes will cause you to tear up, this is a movie that will not hurt you emotionally. I think it will provide you encouragement as to the happiness that can exist in marriage despite the heartache that can accompany it. I think it will encourage you to see Hollywood so accurately represent an infertile woman's pain. They really got it.

Infertility in the Media

http://www.mamapop.com/2011/02/celebrities-theyre-infertile-like-us.html

Last night while I was falling asleep, Julie & Julia was playing. I loved this movie because it combined blogging (something I love) with cooking (something my husband loves) while also so perfectly including infertility and living life as a tall woman. Only her being an athlete would have made this movie more fitting for me.

I had written previously about this movie on my blog here. And while I could not find a copy of the exact two infertility clips that really moved me in Julie & Julia, I was able to find a video on youtube that did have the clip, albeit no dialouge can be hard.

On the video below, check out the fourth and sixth scenes that come up in the montage. The fourth scene shows Julia and her husband, married many years, receiving news that Julia's sister, who had just married, was expecting a baby. Julia Childs (played by Meryl Streep) so perfectly demonstartes how it feels to be not have children and watch those around you receive that gift. I don't know who wrote this scene or how Meryl did it, but I felt someone had been spying in my own living room when I received pregnancy news over and over again while our own womb stayed empty. Julia is happy for her sister but finds herself crying out of sadness. An incredible mixture of emotions done unbelievably well.

In the sixth scene, Julia and her husband are walking down the sidewalk. They pass a baby carriage, and she glances back and then tries to compose herself. Her husband pats her hand without a word shared between them. Again, the movie portrayed the feeling of infertility perfectly.



After watching these scenes again last night, I realized how beneficial they were to the cause of childlessness. These scenes educate the public on how infertility feels. I decided that I wanted to try and compile a list of positive media sources for infertility and adoption. This can be "famous" people who struggled with infertility or shared their journey. This can be books or movies that portrayed this part of life positively. I really don't want to put up limits as to what I am hoping to compile. Adoption can be included as well -- although I would really like to focus more on the infertility aspect as it is a lot easier to find positive adoption language and concepts than it is infertility.

Can you help? Please leave a comment, or, if you feel more comfortable, you can email me at flakymn@hotmail.com. Thanks everyone! I look forward to developing this list with help from you and research of my own.

LIST IN PROGRESS

Movies

• UP: Recommended by many readers for the opening montage about life without children.


• Baby Mama: Has many references to infertility although there is a surprise pregnancy at the end that can be difficult for those in the midst of infertility


• Meet the Robinsons: Older child adoption


• Immediate Family: Some harsh language but an infertility movie


• Maybe Baby:


• Funny about Love:


• Serious Moonlight: Dark comedy with frustrating ending but good infertility plotline.


• Did You Hear About the Morgans:


• Facing the Giants: Infertility storyline, although ending was a little bothersome.

TV Shows

• Giuliana and Bill: features E host Guliana and Apprentice winner Bill's journey through IVF including their subsequent miscarriage.


• The Little Couple: Chronicles fertility journey including IVF and surrogacy. Click here or here or here for video clips of their struggle.


• Grey's Anatomy: About 4.5 minutes into this scene, you see Meredith have a conversation with her husband in the elevator showing, quite accurately, the feelings of jealousy that often accompany infertility.


• Friends: Chandler and Monica's infertility and adoption


• King of Queens: Infertility


• How I Met Your Mother


• Brothers and Sisters: Contains an IF storyline

Celebrities

• Celion Dion


• Nia Vardalos